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hi, im gosu
man, i just seem to be delivering nothing but bad news. i swear, my life is not as dreary as i make it seem. but when it rains, it pours, man. after three years, i've been laid off. and now my house is about to foreclosed. my mother can't sleep with that weighing over her head, my period's been delayed thanks to the stress, and my father can't start working until august. we also need 3 GRAND to put our mortgage on a payment plan. i'm constantly considering stripping.

but i know it'll get better. it has to, one way or another. things happen for a reason, i believe that. but this is the hardest we've been hit. we're sticking with each other, though. day by day, we'll get by. sometimes, i panic and just want to leave sooner to maryland. but that would be so fucked up of me. i couldn't do that. that's just fear talking.....

the good things that always came along were my sister grabbing a job (i'm very proud of her), my dad getting his certification to teach, and my mom will be doing therapy until she signs up with her daycare come next month. the arguments are less as well....

the point is -- i know this isn't going to get worse. because i refuse to let it get worse and my family is right beside me in this fight.

when one door closes, kick down another one.
19th-Apr-2015 07:58 pm - salt water and dogs
against my usual laziness, i got up in the morning and went to the beach with my sister and her friends. and i had a blast. which was surprising given the fact the beach was open to dogs -- and i have a big fear of big dogs.

there were huge dogs. and some of them frolicked over me while i was tanning, and i panicked a little? but i was able to relax and feel comfortable once i saw that the dogs were just...being playful. and that they listened to their owners. we had one huuuuge golden retriever beside us. he was at like 100 pounds -- that's a fact from his owner -- and he was the cutest thing ever. he would come over and lay next to us and he was so mellow. he's involved in therapy at children's hospitals which is almost self-explanatory. his name was magic and i was honestly sad to see him go.

but i had fun. got a lot of sun; i look like a fucking tomato. zero sunblock was applied because why not aka it was forgotten....

it was nice to venture out of my bat cave. i might be as bold as to do so again in...two weeks.
25th-Mar-2015 06:47 pm - the return of rurouni kenshin
so i've spent the last week and a half watching Rurouni Kenshin (the anime) with my boyfriend. i can't remember what made me want to even return to it -- but i did. and i have zero regrets. i'm watching it with my boyfriend and he seems to like it (bless his enthusiastic little soul). i remembered then that there was a live action coming out -- only to find out that it had been out for the past three years. if that doesn't tell you how out of sync i'm with the world and how bad my depression has gotten to me, i don't know what will.

so i jumped to watching the live action and whoops! was that a mistake. here i am, two movies into this trilogy and feverishly fangirling over takeru satoh. who told him he could be so beautiful? who told him he could be the most perfect himura kenshin possibly ever? and who told this trilogy it could be so bad ass? i'm in love with the movies, the soundtrack (let's not even talk about one ok rock because that's another rabbit hole), and now all i want to do is simply watch them over and over. i'm certain my boyfriend isn't too excited about that which is why i will attempt this rerun while he's at work. i can't get enough of this. i'm already on tumblr, plundering the takeru satoh tag because why not. and you know what?

i'm not even ashamed. not even a little bit. long live the anime. long live fan girl crushes. long live shinta.
22nd-Mar-2015 06:03 pm - ohp
well, what do you know? it only took two weeks for my father to have another temper tantrum. what was that theory called, when an event grows in frequency? at least in relation to serial killers.....not that my father is in any way similar to a serial killer. but he does make me want to kill him sometimes.

ruins my weekend. ruins most of the days in a month. when do i hit the point in my life where i'll be like, "wow, my dad was right?" cause holy shit, it's been a long time coming.
22nd-Mar-2015 04:38 pm - counter logic gaming pains
Watching this CLG vs TSM game is so tantalizing like, why can't CLG just crush TSM and be done with this? I can't deal with 30+ mins worth of shaky team fights and vision wars. Zionspartan already died and gave firstblood. I cannot.
11th-Mar-2015 12:15 am - Answer for question 4272.
Is there any specific significance behind your given name? If you were named after or in honor of someone, what made that person special? If you could choose any name for yourself, what would it be?
My mom couldn't have babies for a while. So in her homeland, when she was finally pregnant with me, she went to a shrine and asked for a safe pregnancy. she asked that if i was born, she would name me after the saint in that shrine. her name was amelia, and mine is too.
18th-Feb-2015 09:50 pm - league of epic fails
so this will be the season that i will learn how to be a decent adc. or at least one that doesn't suck too hard. i avoid this position like the plague, along with that of the jungler. but should i ever be forced to adc, i will know not to feed and maybe even skillfully pick up some kills.

i say this like i've never played the role before but better safe than sorry.

first up: ashe.
10th-Feb-2015 10:29 pm - nowhere god
i'm pretty sure this is my sixth or seventh attempt at holding a lifejournal account. there's usually some long-winded preamble and a lot of asking for forgiveness, but i'm at a hospital (again), so there's no time for traditions.

mom's at the hospital -- has been for more than a week. it's 10:21 pm and i'm sitting in the dark next to my boyfriend and my mother with sleep apnea. she's had spinal surgery and the operation was a success but the recovery has been...a struggle. her hemoglobin is down to 7 from a healthy 15, she caught an infection in her lungs, and now she's in the sicu. it's been a test of will and faith, that's for sure.

but here we are, still fighting, still kicking. i wish i could say more but i'm tired to the point of numbness. i just want to go home and be grumpy (not getting enough affection, feeling judged {like a slut} for being sexually open with my lover) and not wake up until work starts so i can have something to preoccupy me. 2015 starting off with a bang! right in the head.

hopefully, i'll be cheerier the next post. i've been meaning to get an account again, just for posterity's sake. but well....let's see who gosu is playing as now.
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